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Sweet Memories that Bind

Many of us can look back with longing to a time when we had intimacy with God and peace blanketed every facet of our lives. While we go through seasons in our spiritual path, memories of a sweeter time hang on and often bring with them feelings of guilt and disappointment. Sometimes they intimidate and mock us. We know God is still there. He is still working in and through us, but we don’t know where our peace went. How did we lose it? Why can’t we get it back?

Typically, we do not even notice our peace is slipping away. The loss is gradual, usually one choice at a time. One small action leads to another, then to another, and another. Until we look up toward God and realize how long it’ has been since we even talked to him.

With unspoken grief, we remember the process we went through to get here. God called us, wanting to spend time with him instead of watching our favorite TV program. We promise him we would stop and visit just as soon as it was over. We remembered our promise at bedtime, but we were too tired to give him any quality time. We said a quick prayer promising to slow down for him the next day. Gradually our noble intentions replaced obedience, and we found ourselves pushing thoughts of God further and further back to assuage our guilt.

“[It’s]…the little foxes that spoil the vines… (Song of Solomon 2:15). One little compromise after another leads us to bigger compromises. We do this until one day we realize we walked away from God’s grace into a life of trying to please Him our own way. We brush our Bibles off, promising ourselves that we are going to do better. We pledge to pray and study his word for a few days, but no matter how hard we work at it, we can’t get back what we lost.

We evaluate every event against memories of what we once had with God. We question whether we will ever get that elusive peace that was once such a prominent part of our lives. Unfortunately, recent experiences never measure up; therefore, we get back into the familiar compromise and disobedience pattern.

Until we can let go of the experience we once had with God and realize that he wants us to go through to a new level with him, we will never get that for which we long. Those experiences were our childhood. When we cried, God was right there. He fed us when we were hungry; he cleaned us when we were dirty, and he held us when we were alone.  How silly would we look if we were to crawl into a baby crib and cry for a bottle? Yet spiritually, that is what we do. We must let go of the desire to go back so that we can move forward.

Peace is the result of intimacy with God. It is the confidence that we can trust Him in whatever comes into our lives. Intimacy with God results from dying to self and our desires and wanting only to please Him. When all we want is to please God, we are open to new experiences and a new relationship level. Then we are not babies; we have become friends of God.